I want to share something with you…
Many of you know me for my work as a writer, or perhaps as a meditation guide and teacher. But when I was a girl, my dream was to become a singer. Besides my best friend, Diana, who is still my best friend, my biggest joy in high school was the choral group.
Before that, I remember staying home “sick” from school as a young kid, so that I could sing along with my Linda Ronstadt, Carly Simon, and Carole King records. Like many music lovers in the 70s, my parents had shelves full of LPs, which included the entire collection of Chicago, The Stones, The Beatles (of course), and even Yes, Traffic, and softer options like The Carpenters.
In the days of albums, it was always a treat when you’d pull out the sleeve and find all the song lyrics, like in Elton John’s Yellow Brick Road album, which opened up into three panels… It was like a whole little world that included not just the lyrics, but watercolor depictions, as well… I would lose myself for hours pondering the stories that the songs were telling.
My other savior during those godforsaken high school years was when my drummer boyfriend and I formed a band. We were covering songs like Scandal’s “Goodbye to You” and “Breakout” by Swing Out Sister. Hey, it was the 80s!
But life happened. I went to university, found other interests and pursued new directions. Mostly, I felt that I was not really a singer. At some point, I came to recognize my limitations, lost confidence, and dropped the dream, like it never existed. I didn’t sing for over three decades.
During those 30 years, I taught philosophy, and being prone to introspection, I contemplated the quandary that arises when our skills don’t match our desires. I reasoned that it’s perhaps another example of the absurdities that French philosopher Camus speaks of, when he says, “Life has no other aspect than that of the absurd.” After all, how curious is it that some people don’t particularly want to do what they are naturally good at, while others want very much to do what they are not naturally good at!
During those 30 years, I began teaching Kundalini Yoga. It was not lost on me that one of the reasons this particular Yogic tradition appealed to me so much was because of its plentiful incorporation chanting. It surely satisfied that unfulfilled need in me to sing.
Then something interesting happened in the middle of a difficult divorce… I started “Kimono karaoke” on social media, which featured yours truly, singing one-minute snippets of favorite songs, while dressed in a kimono, making good use of my kimono collection!
It started by chance, as a result of me demonstrating an old Olivia Newton John song to my dear friend and neighbor at the time. But I found that singing healed me. There was nothing else that kept me in a timeless space, in which I was so absorbed and full of joy that nothing else mattered.
Finally, something else interesting happened… as if destiny was reminding me that you can’t really outrun those old forgotten dreams. My longtime love of France and music would show up in one package… specifically in the form of a French composer, with whom I began a written correspondence during the pandemic. We were essentially pen pals for a year, and eventually got married.
Turns out he had some unfinished songs he wanted to release and asked me if I would write the lyrics. Then he asked if I would sing a couple of them just to make some demos. We’d find a singer later. He decided to release them “as is.”
Here is the first one… If you love it, it is available for download everywhere!
Also available on Spotify, Apple Music, and most music platforms.
Fifty Years After 